I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
