Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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