we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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