i don't like sucking hair
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
