After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
