Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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