Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
