Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
