I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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