just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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