i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
