dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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