She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
