I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
