sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
