I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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