So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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