there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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