just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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