thus making me awesome and them whores
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
