this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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