and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
