Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
