God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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