This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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