Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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