I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
