It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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