i will never coherently bang her
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
