We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
