You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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