Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
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