I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
