I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
