You can't motorboat a personality
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
