I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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