This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
