I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
