I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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