i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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