there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
