I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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