i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
