just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
