We tried having a conversation with our noses.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
