Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
