So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
