pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
