just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I woke up under a house in Key West
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