My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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