Whod you bang
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
