??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
